Jones Soda Kindness

 

It is just so encouraging when profit driven companies practice Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR – in the business marketing world). Which, really in simple terms translates as: integrity, community engagement, relationship building, and employee wellbeing. In the past few months I have come across a couple of really inspiring stories that deserve dakbands, and recently I experienced the profound effect of such corporate compassion.

About nine months ago a dear friend, Rick Hill, a member of my home church group was diagnosed with cancer. Last Saturday we celebrated his life at his funeral. He died a pop star – literally.

His beloved wife, Dena, entered a picture of Rick in a contest to appear on the label of Jones Soda. Their picture won. When the company learned that Rick had died, they provided the root beer with Rick’s label for everyone at the reception. Nuff said. Go buy some Jones Soda!

It should be noted that the picture above epitomizes Rick - shoveling snow in a kilt (sporran and all), work boots,  a leather jacket and a cowboy hat (he made that kilt himself!). How we will miss you, and your kindness.         

                                                                                          

No More Chemo Kindness

I first met Jason when he was about 14 or 15 years old. He and my son, Kohen, became friends, united by their mutual passion for skateboarding. Jason was quite unlike any of Kohen’s other friends. For one thing, he was about six and half feet tall, had girl-long hair, and a mouth that could rival a sailor. He was also brutally honest, funny, smart, and those big brown eyes had a depth and wisdom beyond his years. He soon became number two son.

 Kohen and Jason

Admittedly, as someone who learns the hard way, he made some poor choices after high-school that derailed him in some ways, but probably accelerated his personal growth and development in other ways. He accepted responsibility, and his punishment, with his usual reflective wisdom (which his mother and I often hoped would become foresight instead of hindsight:). Little did we know how Jason’s experiences would provide him with the strength and endurance needed to face cancer.

Last Christmas, he was diagnosed with Stage 3, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. He was 21. It had spread to his chest and abdomen. For the next six months he spent every other Wednesday in a chemo chair while a four drug cocktail slowly dripped the equivalent of draino into his veins, scouring away everything in its’ path – we hoped. I was fortunate enough to be his chauffeur on most days. And although I know he dreaded the poking and prodding, the fatigue and sickness, the isolation of sitting in that chemo chair, I looked forward to our time together in the car. We talked about pretty much everything with Jason’s frank and insightful wisdom. I’m not sure who helped who more on those car rides.

On August 15^th, we made what we hoped was our last chemo drive to Hamilton. Then the waiting began. Waiting for the results of the six-month Cat scan. I find it difficult to describe in words, that tension of tempering hope with reality. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for Jason. September 5^th was Results Day. On the way I asked Jason, on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest despair ever, and 1 being the complete opposite) how disappointed he would be if he needed just a couple more treatments – just to be sure what to expect if the news was not what we hoped. Without hesitation he said, “A ten.” I wasn’t looking forward to the appointment.

Last chemo treatment

 

By the time the doctor came into the room all I could hear was the blood pounding in my head. She began talking about size of the lymph nodes, but ended with, “We can stop the chemo.” I’m pretty sure that’s all Jason heard. Five powerful, hopeful words. The doctor wouldn’t say he was ‘cured’, but definitely in remission! The only thing left to do was decide where to have our celebratory dinner. Jason picked Kelsey’s.

Celebration Dinner

We packed up the car with my six year, Jason’s girlfriend Dana, her son Caleb, and my son’s father, and headed out to celebrate. When our waitress, Danielle, asked us what we were celebrating I almost cried, “As of today, Jason has been declared cancer free.” Then she almost cried. A few moments later she brought out all our appetizers and explained that the manager, Brian Moore, had gifted them in honour of the great news. After dinner he came to shake Jason’s hand and congratulate him. I gave Brian and Danielle dakbands – of course. We took pictures and basked in the glow of kindness. Thank-you Brian. Kelsey’s is now our new favourite restaurant.

Kelsey's kindness

                                                                                                     

Wonder and Happiness

 

A friend recently asked her FB friends to share their secrets of ‘being’ happy. This is an incredibly gifted artist wondering about the essence of happiness. She received 31 replies. I was not one of them, but I’ve been thinking…….

My six and a half year old (who recently, upon seeing a picture of me receiving my Brock Alumni of Distinction Award, remarked, “Mommy, you looked absolutely beautiful. That must have been hard work.” So I’m on fence about his kindness) asks me at least 500 50 times a day, “Don’t you wonder about…..” It could be anything: how he managed to get both legs in one leg of his shorts, how his ALL his lego ended up under the table, how he stayed in the lines while colouring, how all the webkins managed to meet at the bottom of the stairs for their staff meeting. Needless to say, wonder isn’t always the word I’m thinking. But what is amazing is that he always asks about my wonder when he is happy.

Etymologically wonder originates from the 13^th century word, wundor, and came to mean the emotion associated with some marvelous, astonishing thing. The dictionary describes the verb as meaning, to be curious about. So Garrett is constantly asking me if I am astonished, curious, even marveling, about his accomplishments – about what makes him happy. And when I take a deep breath after the fiftieth time to remember this perspective, I realize that wonder and happiness are connected.

In a recent article on the Greater Good website, Sonja Lyubomirsky, professor and author of the 2007 book, The How of Happiness, reveals some of her research about happiness. Interestingly, she has found that individuals who express gratitude are likelier to be happy, and she describes gratitude as wonder, among other things. But more perhaps even more importantly, she tested whether or not kindness increased happiness.

Guess what? It does. In fact, individuals who performed different acts of kindness throughout a week experienced a greater increase in happiness than those performing the same act over and over again. I wonder how she might feel about the dakband project :) 

Here is an incredible video that expresses wonder.

                                                                                                                                                       

Dutch Mammas

  

I don't usually lead with a photo, but really there isn't any other way to describe Dianne, my crazy, beautiful, sensitive - and need I say, FIT - friend of 34 years ( I might be amiss if I didn't add, Dutch).

She has too many talents to list, and I adore her for all of them. Best of all, she loves her Mama, who is equally tall, beautiful and Dutch.

This is from Dianne for her Mom.........

Like many of us, one of the ways our mothers show us their kindess and their love is through food!!  My mom is certainly one of those moms.

She knows what my favorite Christmas dessert is (her homemade butter tarts....ooooooh, the saliva starts flowing at the mere thought of those labour-intensive culinary treasures!) and she always makes sure there is a batch waiting for me at Christmas.

   Likewise, everyone in the family has a favorite food item that she lovingly prepares for each of us when we go to visit, or when she comes to visit us (cookie tins and coolers arrive packed full!) . It might be her special ribs, or her trifle, or her peach pie, or her lemon poppy seed cake, or her Cornflake cookies, or her shortbread cookies, or her pea soup, or her mincemeat pies, or her special cabbage, or her OLIBALLEN ( a Dutch specialty which used to be our New Year's Day treat) .

And everyone in the family knows that those treats get made for each specific person who particularly adores that food.   She spends hours....days.... in her kitchen in Burlington happily preparing these goodies for us.

She is a master in the kitchen.... she is a pro.  And she is such a loving, selfless mother, grandmother, stepmother, mother-in-law, wife.  I adore her for soooo many reasons, and I could undoubtedly go on, but I was asked to think of how she shows her kindness, and this was the first of many examples that came to mind.

So there you have it.... my first instalment of Betta Hoeve - The Kindness Queen.   In the next instalment, you will hear about how her worrying ways are also manifestations of the loving kindness for those who she holds dear.

Dianne Hoeve (a proud and appreciative daughter)

                                                                                                        

The Almost Party Kindness

 
Shortly after we turned 40, a good friend from France, Catherine, expressed (in a manner uniquely french and therefore evocative) how this milestone birthday had triggered waves of self reflection and nostalgia. At the time I was busy getting married (for the second time), moving, blending families, starting a business, and apparently, was not as self reflective as I might have been - sadly for me. However, the intervening ten years have revealed storylines that require some reflection and evaluation. Let me assure you that time flies whether you are having fun or not. Although friends and family were making celebratory plans, I asked them if I could gracefully bow out to take some much needed time for rumination. Their generosity and understanding were the best birthday present ever.

As it turns out one weekend is hardly enough to assimilate the events, loves, losses, and choices of 50 years. So I've decided to take the entire year to celebrate and contemplate. I'll share my discoveries and epiphanies here. To start I'd like to share some of the birthday kindnesses I've experienced so far.

The birthday invite to my Almost Party, made lovingly by the most wonderful, creative genius, Carolin.

    

 Birthday bonfire hosted by one of my bestest, most intriguing, intellectually inspired friends, Michael, and shared with two of my bestest, forever friends extraordinaire, Brian and Eileen.






Me, trying to contain all the love, adoration and gratitude spilling all over my beautiful daughter, Brennyn. She gave me two incredible pieces of art she created, during her studies at OCAD.





This is one of them.....
                                                                   
             

  Then Garrett couldn't wait to give me the "splendid" gifts he loving selected. Apparently he tried on every hat in the store before finally settling on this lovely, white number. Please note the "fabulous" colours of the accompanying necklace!

 I spent this past weekend in Vancouver, celebrating with Kohen and Jaime. Every moment was a treasure. We walked, ate, laughed, ate some more, walked some more, and words can't express how I miss them already....







 

 While in Vancouver I stayed with one of my oldest friends. She has always been, and remains an inspiration to me. She is an artist, a dancer, an entrepreneur, explorer and sage, but to me she is just Ainslie. Thank-you.


And to think, I only have 11 more months to celebrate (and reflect).


        

Ainslie's Mom

My mom has always volunteered her time. As long as I can remember she has been involved with many worthwhile organizations, from church to seniors homes, and women's groups that support communities locally and overseas. Now, at 80 (something) she still volunteers. She is really remarkable that way. She spreads kindness through her service to others, lending a hand wherever it is needed.

I now volunteer because of her example, and I thoroughly love it!

Ainslie xoxo



Thanks  Ainslie for sharing.

For those of you who are not aware, Ainslie and I have been friends since high-school. Best of friends. From her days as a principle dancer at Ballet British Columbia, to her current role as incredibly successful entrepreneur and business woman (see Ainsliewear), she has been an inspiration - much like her mother Selma, whom I adore. Whenever I get the opportunity to connect with Selma, she has some wonderful story about some wonderful, exotic place just visited. These are some of the most precious gifts I think that she has passed on to Ainslie, her curiosity and adventurous spirit. I feel blessed to be part of their lives.
                                                                                                       

Upstream Reciprocity

I'm at the library trying to finish my thesis proposal, when I realized that we simply can't let the day go by without acknowledging our American friends' Thanksgiving holiday. Okay call it procrastinating, but that's my story.....

The other day I read a post on my Team Inspire  website (a website that connects patients, families, friends and caregivers for support and inspiration) entitiled, 'Things for Which I'm Grateful'. The author of the post was inviting members to post a short list of things for which they felt grateful, in true Thanksgiving spirit. Interestingly, there were 40 replies, far more than any other post, and keep in mind that these are people and situations that involve serious and sometimes grave health concerns. Despite, or maybe even because of, these serious emotional and physical burdens,the members came together to express and share their gratitude. The most recurrent theme you wonder? Family and friends, hands down. I am encouraged.

I guess it isn't really so surprising given that research suggests an attitude of gratitude has been associated with better health, better sleep patterns, a deeper appreciation of life and even more acts of kindness toward others. So perhaps intuitively, the Team Inspire members know this. But did you know that in an experiment done at North Eastern University, researchers discovered that individuals who had been helped by someone were more likely to engage in 'upstream reciprocity' and help someone else - even a complete stranger. And just in case you're wondering, upstream reciprocity is psychology speak for pay-it-forward! Love it.

So here is my short list of things for which I'm grateful:
- my health - my children - my husband - my morning coffee

I invite you to engage in some upstream reciprocity, dak someone today, and share your grateful list with us.

Charlotte's Kindness

Do you remember the extraordinary kindness of Charlotte the barn spider? She saved Wilbur from the slaughter house with her writing skills:

SOME PIG

TERRIFIC

RADIANT

HUMBLE

E.B. White's bestselling children's story, Charlotte's Web, tells a magical story of friendship and kindness through the community of farm animals and a little girl named Fern, on Zuckerman's farm. In the end, sadly Charlotte dies, but Wilbur lives to a ripe old age and works hard to keep Charlotte's memory alive.

I couldn't help but be reminded of this timeless story when my friend Marty Mako sent me some pictures of a real life Wilbur who needs saving. His suggestion, in fact, was that perhaps Wilbur could become the dakband mascot, wearing multiple bands on each stubby leg :) Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure my 10lb Havanese, Mojo, would be fairly intimidated by Wilbur. However, I will absolutely play the role of Charlotte in an effort to save Wilbur.

CUTE PIG

FRIENDLY

House Trained!

If you are interested in making Wilbur part of your family, the Lincoln County Humane Society would most certainly appreciate your kindness - and so would all the Facebook fans.

Kindness for Japan

I realize that I am, perhaps, a bit late to jump on the Japan bandwagon. What more can possibly be said? Some of my favourite bloggers have posted thoughts and images that are eloquent and moving. For example, my blogging hero, David Lebovitz shared this post with beautiful images.

However, last weekend when I answered a knock at the door, I was surprised to find our neighbour's two young daughters. They were selling origami cranes, in an effort to raise money for Japan. Paper cranes that they themselves had made. The story of the origami crane is incredibly inspiring, and under the circumstances so apropos. I was impressed and encouraged by their effort to make a difference, their creativity, and their kindness. As it turns out their Sensei is from Japan, and so their dojo decided to do something to help. But I think they can tell their story so much better than I can......

Making Japanese cranes – raising money for the earthquake and tsunami victims in Japan

Our Mom and Dad told us about the horrible thing that happened in Japan. They showed us internet pictures of what happened to Japan after the earthquake and the tsunami. People dying, losing their homes and belongings, being separated from their families – what can we do to help being so far away from Japan? We belong to a karate school and our Japanese sensei sent a newsletter on Friday morning during our March break. Our dojo was going to make a thousand cranes and sell them at two dollars each to raise money for the Red Cross in Japan.

We know how to make cranes and enjoy making them. We made lots of cranes that Friday and started selling them in our neighbourhood that weekend. We did not tell people how much the cranes were and told them to give us whatever they want to pay for them. Many neighbours were happy in seeing the cranes (we made the cranes that can flap their wings) and gave us lots of money and would only take a few cranes. One the first day within one hour we sold 29 cranes and made $79. We went home and made more colourful cranes and sold more cranes the next day. We just went around our neighbourhood during one weekend, no more than two hours going door to door and made $225 for 50 cranes. We were very impressed and excited. Many people told us that we are doing a good job raising money for Japan. We took more cranes to our dojo on the Monday after March break. There we learned a different way to make cranes (these cranes are not able to flap their wings). These cranes were threaded onto a string which has a sign on the bottom saying “I Japan” on the front and has Japanese writing on the back. So we taught our friends how to make cranes so that they can sell them in their neighbourhoods.

We also went to our principal in school to see if we could sell cranes there. She agreed, but the moneywould not go through our dojo, but go directly to the Red Cross. We made a box with the Japanese Flag on top and taped letters on the side of the flag saying “Support Japan” and put 60 cranes into the box. Then our neighbour asked us to send in a picture of us and the cranes so that she can put it onto her blog.We hope with all the cranes and making people aware of the suffering that is going on in Japan, we will make a difference.

from Sonja and Katja




Raising children with empathy and compassion - now that's really kind.

New Bands, and Tulips

Well, our new samples of our new bands finally arrived. The kerning is perfect (spacing between letters). For comparisons sake here is the original sample, and here is the new sample:

We'll be placing our order shortly, and at the same time, sharing some special projects that will be using the 'old' bands. Maryann is full of wonderful ideas (as usual).

I have a few Carolin related kindnesses, that can be shared simply with pictures. Because Carolin is an artist, in spirit and vocation, I like to share how her kindness enriches my life with photos. Isn't that what makes kindness so valuable, a simple gesture, or attitude, that can profoundly change a life. I wish I could photograph the silence that Carolin and I sometimes share as an expression of our friendship. It is magical, peaceful, and kind.

I think this photo of tulips (a gift from Carolin) in the morning light might come close to capturing what I mean.....


Finally, a couple more of her Heart Cards:

A News paper and Two more Heart Cards

Friday morning I stopped at my local convenience store for The Star. It is a tiny independent store and the gentleman behind the counter is Middle Eastern. I always buy my paper there, and when the LotoMax is sufficiently tempting, a lottery ticket. On Friday I walked in, saw the empty Star stand and then noticed that an elderly gentleman at the counter had the last paper. "So you've got my paper," I joked with him. He finished paying for his lottery tickets and paper (it's that kind of place) and replied, "Well, the early bird catches the worm young lady." I liked him immediately. Then my friend behind the counter jumped in to say that he had one more paper hidden behind the counter and I could have it. The old guy just smiled as I paid for my tickets and paper. As I paid the owner explained that he always saves a paper for "Doc". If there are only one or two papers left and Doc hasn't been in yet, he takes the papers and keeps them behind the counter. That's what I love about living in community. Simple gestures of kindness.
Due to the early hour I didn't have any dakbands on, but I delivered them later in the day. It was such a great exchange.

Saturday morning, believe it or not, the exact same thing happened. I've been buying my paper there for years and never run into Doc, now two days in a row I am lucky enough to get my newspaper fix because of him - maybe that luck will rub off on the lottery tickets. I'm afraid however that Doc probably thinks I'm stalking him - and young or not, I'm not sure how he feels about that :)

Here are two more Heart Cards:


I really like the idea of 'adding more joy to your day'. It reminds us that joy is something we are responsible for creating. We can add joy, create joy - make our days, and the days of others more joyful. Kindness creates joy.


When we really believe in something, we usually take some kind of action, or get involved. That's why it's so important to 'believe in healing'. Whether it's our own physical, spiritual, or emotional healing, or that of someone else, believing in that healing will engage us, get us involved, force us to take steps toward that healing. Belief isn't wishing, it's action.

Carolin's Heart Cards

On the morning of the 31st (yes, I'm still going on about New Year's :) I picked up my good friend Carolin - community gardener, massage therapist, artist, extraordinaire - whom I've blogged about here and here, before my morning coffee. It was worth it though because she gifted me with the most beautiful set of hand made (her hands) Heart Cards. Each of the 28 cards is a collage framed on a heart theme, then the collage is photocopied onto card stock and she lovingly hand cuts them into 10cm by 13cm cards. To finish, the back of each card is hand stamped with a heart. She explained that she thought of the idea while visiting me in the hospital in the spring (look at the previous post and you'll see how she decorated my hospital room with hand painted hearts - people I didn't even know were coming into my room just to see the hearts!). The idea is to turn the stack of cards face down, fan them out, and then intuitively choose a card. That card is your focus/thought for the day.

So I've decided to share Carolin's kindness and inspire you with two of her cards every day for the next 14.5 days.

Rosalind

I realize that my posts have taken on a rather medical theme of late, but I think it is just a statistical coincidence given the amount of time of spent at the TGH this year. Recently I wrote about some of the doctors who deserve to be recognized for their kindness and compassion. And back in April I blogged about an experience I had the day I learned that a defibrillator lead had perforated my heart for the second time (requiring immediate surgery), and how that experience - the opportunity to help a young woman who had no Health Card - transformed my assimilation of that bad news. You can read about it here. This past Friday, I had another synchronous event at the hospital that made the long Go Train trek into the city (well not that long....from Burlington), and the three hours of alternating waiting and appointments, all worth while.

As I was walking toward the entrance of the Peter Munk Cardiac Center on University Ave, I noticed a very elegant looking woman walking through the doors ahead of me. She had on a full length fur coat that floated on her tiny frame, her hair was pulled back in single pony tail, and she rocked some great ankle boots. She just happened to head straight to the Starbucks line, which, needless to say, was my first destination as well. I was right behind her, trying not to drool on her coat. She immediately tapped the woman in front of her on the shoulder and told her how wonderful her funky pink streaks looked! Then, she told another woman in line how much she loved her bag. Well, you can imagine, I am already sliding those dakbands off my wrist and reaching out to offer them to her when she turns around, looks at me, and says, "Oh my, you look beautiful - so well put together." I put my around her and gave her the dakbands, which of course she just loved. Then she bought me coffee. She is my new best friend. We chatted for some time before I had to go upstairs to my appointments, but not before I learned her lovely name, Rosalind.

I Set a Record

I set a record this time. In and out of the hospital in 30 hours. My fourth cardiac surgery of the year was deemed successful (actually at the time, the other three were as well!), and I'm home and healing. Even the pain is manageable, although I'm more than a little concerned about the assault my brain cells have been under with all the anesthetic that's been coursing through my bruised and banged up body this past year :(

I know I shared in previous posts (during my three previous prolonged stays)that I was, and continue to be deeply grateful for the kindness and quality of care I receive at the UHN (University Health Network), but it warrants repeating. Despite the ease of finding a conversation that laments, or berates, our troubled and overburdened health care system - admittedly, I've even instigated many a few - it is astonishing to witness, from the inside, the strengths and fragility of our systematized medicine. And despite the obvious (lack of funding, lack of beds, long wait times....), this system operates by the blood, sweat and tears of individuals who are, for the most part, devoted to caring for those of us who need them. This is a shout out for the doctors.

Over the past number of years I've been truly blessed to call Dr. Yoav Brill and his lovely wife, good friends. Through their close friendship, I've come to learn the sacrifices great doctors make for their patients. Great doctors work in the same limited system we find ourselves struggling in, they fight battles for OR time, funding, beds, and research, they advocate for patients, and occasionally even get some quality time with family. When patients consistently identify their doctor as kind, and compassionate, as well as skilled, you know you've got a gem. If you need a OBGYN, see Dr. Brill.

And if you need a cardiac surgeon, ask for Dr. R.J. Cusimano. Similar to Dr. Brill, comments from patients regarding Dr. Cusimano are filled with such praiseworthy distinctions as, 'kind', 'brilliant', and 'an excellent bedside manner'. When I read some of the stories and comments on RateMD's.com, it illuminated for me the pressure and stress under which these men function everyday, in order to care for us. I am not unaware that my little defibrillator problems, although huge to me (and the functioning of my heart!), are trivial compared to 98% of the surgeries R.J. does every day; yet, the point is, he treated me with the same concern, sincerity and kindness that he would a patient undergoing open heart surgery.

The kindnesses that doctors like Yoav and R.J. share are really profound because they are most often exchanged during times of desperate anxiety, and emotional trauma. Their kindness cradles us, and dignifies us. They really deserve some dakbands.

Kind Memories

James Herriot says in the introduction to his book, James Herriot's Dog Stories: Warm and Wonderful Stories About the Animals Herriot Loves Best, it is a sad truth, that dogs do not live long enough. But he also makes this observation, "It is a reaffirmation of the truth which must console all dog owners; that those short lives do not mean unending emptiness; that the void can be filled while the good memories remain." Thus his advice to clients who are mourning the death of their cherished dog, get another immediately. It has been a week since we had to euthanize our beloved border collie of almost 15 years, Damon. Although we have another dog, Mojo, it is difficult to express how empty our home is without Damon.

I've posted about the innate kindness of dogs before, sharing how much our dogs enrich our lives. Damon was only a few years younger than both of our oldest children, so his life is entwined with theirs. There were few vacations that did not include his exceptional life-guarding skills, or Hallowe'ens that he managed to find and eat all of our daughters' loot. The countless hours we spent playing hide-and-seek in the corn fields behind our first house, the peels of laughter as he pulled the kid's snow boots off and made them chase him across the lawn in their stocking feet, his incredible ability to catch any flying object, and the best party trick ever - he could flush the toilet, are memories that helped to define my children's childhood. He celebrated every holiday, and thankfully, every graduation. He loved not only our family, but all the children's friends over the years, and often made that apparent by trying not so inconspicuously to crawl on to beds, or into the middle of mass of bodies sleeping all over the basement floor.

I'm not sure how long it will take before I stop waking up to let him out in morning, or opening the front door with the expectation that he will be resting against it, or wondering where his food dish is, but let me assure you, it was the kindness of friends and family who supported us this week with their phone calls, cards, emails and hugs, that made the passing of his too-short-life bearable.














In particular, we were touched by the deliberate act of kindness of our daughter's floor mates in residence, who all chipped in to buy her flowers and an ice cream cake.






I'll leave you with a few pictures of our beloved Damon:





Today we went to look at puppies.......