Sticky Note Kindness

 
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I recently attended a positive psychology course with Louisa Jewel of Positive Matters. It was a wonderful two days, and as one might expect at a positive psychology workshop, I met some incredible people, whose stories I hope to share over the next week or so.

To begin, a story that takes place at a school in St. Catharines, Ontario. Perhaps it can remind us, although our hearts are heavy with sorrow, and aching for the families of Sandy Hook Elementary School, of what can be inspiring and transformative about school.

Early, long before the school bell rang, 20 young people set out to encourage their fellow students with 1000 acts of kindness. Although the event was meant to celebrate Random Acts of Kindness Day, there was nothing random about this at all – it was carefully planned, and one might even say in fact that it was a Deliberate Act of Kindness (which is really the best kind!).

In their own words, and pictures, here is their story…..

1. What inspired you to do this?

Our club, Mosaic, decided to do something for random act of kindness day so we were brainstorming ideas. We were inspired by another school in our area who also had the idea to post anonymous sticky notes with compliments on them. We wanted to do something special because we felt like our school really needed something like that to happen.

2. What was the reaction of your friends and others at the school?

Of course there were mixed reactions from the people in our school. The majority of people were in awe when they walked into school that day, and they thought it was cute.I saw a lot of people just slowly walking down the hallways, reading each different sticky note as they passed (some even took a few for themselves to keep). We got a lot of positive feedback from all the students and staff. We didn't advertise that we were the ones that did it, so no one thanked our group personally but there were posts on facebook and instagram thanking whomever did it! The only negative feedback that we got was that it was a "waste of paper", but the smiles and the compliments that we got made it all worthwhile. 

3. Has this little project inspired you to be more aware of kindness, and to do more?

YES!!! 

4. What is the best thing about being kind?

 The best thing about being kind is seeing the smiles and knowing that you made it happen.

   

                                                                                                     

Commonalities

When I do workshops with adults, and children, we often play a game called the Commonalities Game (from the Big Book of Team Building Games). Everyone chooses a partner, someone they do not know very well, and with a timer set for 2 minutes each couple has to write down everything they have in common with each other. It is incredibly fun, and a great way to get people to start thinking about how much we have in common rather than what separates us. In one workshop I had a 19 year old exchange student from Scotland paired with an elderly Sikh gentleman from Mississauga (Ontario)- they hold the record, with 37 things in common in two minutes. I'm still in awe. The other participants gave them a round of applause. I gave them dakbands :)

However, I recently came across another commonalities exercise from Ode Magazine in an article entitled, "Love thy neighbour, for he is me." The article speaks of the emotional and physical wisdom of being a good Samaritan, or altruist. The definition of an altruist is someone who is unselfishly concerned for or devoted to the welfare of others. Apparently altruists are healthier than those who are not. In an effort to practice compassion, to recognize how simple gestures of kindness unite us in our humanity, try (as the article suggests) this five step exercise when you see someone who attracts your attention:

With your attention geared to the other person, tell yourself:

Step 1: “Just like me, this person is seeking happiness in his/her life.”

Step 2: “Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.”

Step 3: “Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness and despair.”

Step 4: “Just like me, this person is seeking to fill his/her needs.”

Step 5: “Just like me, this person is learning about life.”

Then give them a dakband and ask them to pass it on.

As you watch this video, go through the exercise above, only ask yourself, how you can be more like him.......

Homeless Chicago Man Donates Thousands to Down-On-Her-Luck Banker: MyFoxCHICAGO.com

Financial Kindness

Yet another interesting scientific perspective about kindness. This time in the form of wealth distribution. Scientists (anthropologists and evolutionary theorists) are suggesting that we, as a society, are inherently programmed toward fairness. In fact, it contributes to our survival.

An article in the New York Times, Thirst for Fairness May Have Helped Us Survive, by Natalie Angier, presents a number of scientific studies as well as real-life examples of remote tribal peoples, that indicate fairness may be an evolutionary trait.

One particular study, was particularly interesting. Researchers from Harvard Business School and Duke University, surveyed approximately 5000 Americans (an equal number of Republicans and Democrats, across 47 states, equal number of men and women, and varying levels of personal income) about wealth distribution. What was fascinating about this survey is that all the participants greatly underestimated the current wealth distribution gap in the U.S.. As it stands, the top 20% control 84% of the wealth. More importantly however, is that when the survey participants were asked to choose an ideal wealth distribution, "All groups—even the wealthiest respondents—desired a more equal distribution of wealth than what they estimated the current United States level to be..."

Professors, and authors of, The Spirt Level: Why Equality is Better for Everyone, Kate Pickett and Richard Wilkinson, provide a list on their website that details the evidence for equality. Here is a sampling of positive outcomes of more equal societies:

• People in more equal societies live longer, a smaller proportion of children die in infancy and self-rated health is better

• People in more equal societies are far less likely to experience mental illness

• People in more equal societies are less likely to use illegal drugs.

• Children do better at school in more equal societies

• Communities are more cohesive and people trust each other more in more equal societies

• Homicide rates are lower and children experience less violence in more equal societies

• More equal societies spend a higher proportion their income on overseas aid and perform better on the Global Peace Index

Do you think people are kinder in more equal societies? You'll see in Natalie's article that fairness and kindness have a lot in common. It's encouraging to learn that even if people are unaware of extent of the wealth gap, that they feel, inherently, that it should be more equal.

And they are correct. The evidence speaks for itself.

DAK Mentors

I recently came across an article by Shannon Cutts, that presented a unique paradigm for the old adage 'You are what you think'. Shannon's expertise is mentoring and eating disorders, and in the Huffington Post piece she suggests that media and advertising messages mentor us. Whether or not we are aware of it, these messages and images sink into our awareness and affect our thought processes. In other words, if the media continually presents messaging that affirms beautiful is a pre-pubescent, size 2, white female, then the thoughts those of us who do not conform to the standard have might sound like this: "I am too old to be beautiful"; "I am too fat to be beautiful"; "I am too dark skinned to be beautiful"; etc.....These thoughts mentor us. They teach us, direct us, and ultimately destroy us - if we let them.

What an interesting, fascinating concept, especially with respect to the deliberate acts of kindness project. Daks as mentors. We can choose who/what mentors us. We can choose to be mentors. What is important is the outcome. Ultimately, the thoughts and messages that mentor you, influence what you do, your actions.

Mentors = Thoughts and internal beliefs = Actions } Connectedness } Community

What you do determines how we all live in community.

So choose your mentors wisely.

Thought About it......

"People who think too much before they act don't act too much," (Jimmy Buffett).

As much as this might work in Margaritaville, I'm sure Confucius has some tidbit of wisdom warning of the foolishness of acting without thinking. And if it's true that wisdom comes with age, then I shouldn't need any reminders. However, I have to confess to 'gushing without thinking', yet again. A couple of posts ago I gushed over Secret Agent Laura Miller, a young woman who performs anonymous acts of kindness in the Pittsburgh area. I stumbled upon her story, because it was about kindness, and had momentum, I was all over it. Yet a few days later, I had some thoughts - some thoughts I should have had at the time.

Although I think what Secret Agent Laura is doing is wonderful, it is fundamentally different from what the vision and purpose of dakbands is all about. Which is to say, we want kindness to connect people, to encourage a kindness consciousness that appreciates the importance of making kindness something we do for each other, not under a shawl of anonymity, but in the presence of community. By sharing and offering dakbands to individuals who do something kind, in the presence of others, we send a message to the witnesses of the exchange that inspires more kindness, more connection, more community. Then of course there is the beauty of being able to track all the stories associated with each band, as it is passed on. There is value in seeing how one deliberate act of kindness, leads to another, which leads to another....

“I learned that inspiration does not always come like a bolt, nor is it kinetic, energetic, striving, but it comes into us slowly and quietly and all the time. ”
Brenda Ueland (1891-1985)
Journalist, editor, teacher

I will always be passionate about kindness, and I will always look for and share stories about kindness. Kindness inspires kindness in whatever form it takes. However, I'll also remember to share the context of the dakband project because I believe that it is slowly and quietly inspiring kindness around the world. And hopefully, through sharing, I can speed the process up :)

Secret Agents and Superheroes

Ingenuity has always fascinated me. Kindness, of course, is one of my passions. So, when you combine the two, as they are in Laura Miller, I become almost incoherent with excitement. Seriously, it's what I imagine a fix must be like for addict. I get jittery, my mind races with ideas, I'm overwhelmed by all the potential for good. Right now, I'm in the middle of a fix I've just discovered...so bear with me as I try to channel my thoughts coherently.

It started with an article I found about a pre-school teacher at Missoula Community School in Missoula, Montana, who has her students don capes and become 'superheroes of kindness'. WOW. What better superhero could there be? The children perform weekly gestures of kindness in their community, that have inspired adults to become superheroes of kindness as well. (Kindness has that power doesn't it.) Apparently, Krystal Burns, the teacher of the superheroes of kindness, was inspired by Secret Agent L. (aka Laura Miller).

Secret Agent L, from Pittsburgh, anonymously performs acts of kindness throughout her community, and then blogs about them - sound familiar? (except for the anonymous part :) She now has affiliated agents all over the world helping her to perform missions that change the world we live in. She calls them missions, I call them daks. I think there is a great connection here. I think Secret Agent L needs some dakbands. So although we don't have secret agents, we do have dakscouts. And my dakscout is going to send some dakbands to Secret Agent L., and the superheroes of kindness at Missoula Community School.

One thing is becoming clear, as my adrenalin starts to find a normal level, I need to get daks on the twitter bandwagon!!

Stay tuned for updates on our new and improved map, our new dakbands (arriving early next week) and some exciting new projects I'll soon reveal!

Carolin's Heart Cards

On the morning of the 31st (yes, I'm still going on about New Year's :) I picked up my good friend Carolin - community gardener, massage therapist, artist, extraordinaire - whom I've blogged about here and here, before my morning coffee. It was worth it though because she gifted me with the most beautiful set of hand made (her hands) Heart Cards. Each of the 28 cards is a collage framed on a heart theme, then the collage is photocopied onto card stock and she lovingly hand cuts them into 10cm by 13cm cards. To finish, the back of each card is hand stamped with a heart. She explained that she thought of the idea while visiting me in the hospital in the spring (look at the previous post and you'll see how she decorated my hospital room with hand painted hearts - people I didn't even know were coming into my room just to see the hearts!). The idea is to turn the stack of cards face down, fan them out, and then intuitively choose a card. That card is your focus/thought for the day.

So I've decided to share Carolin's kindness and inspire you with two of her cards every day for the next 14.5 days.

Who Knew!

Tomorrow is World Kindness Day. Who knew? Not me, that's for sure.
At least I learned about it before, instead of after.

World Kindness Day was initiated by the World Kindness Movement, an organization I promptly applied to join on behalf of Deliberate Acts of Kindness. This is a description from their website:

The idea behind the World Kindness Movement (WKM) crystallised at a conference in Tokyo in 1997 when the Small Kindness Movement of Japan brought together like-minded kindness movements from around the world. The WKM was officially launched in Singapore on 18 November 2000 at the 3rd WKM Conference. The mission of the WKM is to inspire individuals towards greater kindness and to connect nations to create a kinder world.

If you have a moment check out some of the great events that are taking place around the world:

In the U.K......











In Singapore....

Now, what can dakbands do help celebrate World Kindness Day?
Anyone who leaves a comment, shares a dak, or makes a suggestion, here or on our facebook page, will receive a free set of dakbands - send me an email with your address after you post and together we'll celebrate World Kindness day.
eraakman@deliberateactsofkindness.com

Here is a kindness video to inspire us, from Humanity Healing International