Valentine Fairies

I just had to get this post up before the end of February. It's been almost a year since I've blogged, which seems unbelievable. Yet when I cast my gaze over my shoulder at the past twelve months I am amazed at the distance I've traveled given the difficult path I was on. It feels wonderful to be centred in the present, with such an exciting and hopeful future. One thing is certain though, I would not have survived without the kindness of friends and family. I was literally saturated with kindness and support. So thank-you to my amazing sister and her family, my parents who are always 'there for me', and my dear friends - you know who you are.

There are so many things to share. Firstly, and not necessarily related to dakbands, although people's feedback has certainly been kind! I have launched my new coaching website. Please take a moment to have a look.

Perhaps most importantly we have made some awesome programming changes to our website making it SO much easier for you to look for any stories associated with your dakband, and now you can share your story in just a few clicks. And you can share your story to all your favourite social media sites!! Imagine sharing your dakband story to Twitter and Facebook! And we have more changes coming!

I wanted to leave you with an inspiring story of kindness that manifested on Valentine's Day in Vancouver. My dearest friend Ainslie (of AinslieWear Fame), and a couple of her friends dressed up as Valentines Fairies and visited St. Paul's Hospital to cheer up the patients. Wow. (Ainslie is in the red scarf). I'll have to send some dakbands to those girls :)

It's good to be back. 
Be kind today!

Sticky Note Kindness

 
-->

I recently attended a positive psychology course with Louisa Jewel of Positive Matters. It was a wonderful two days, and as one might expect at a positive psychology workshop, I met some incredible people, whose stories I hope to share over the next week or so.

To begin, a story that takes place at a school in St. Catharines, Ontario. Perhaps it can remind us, although our hearts are heavy with sorrow, and aching for the families of Sandy Hook Elementary School, of what can be inspiring and transformative about school.

Early, long before the school bell rang, 20 young people set out to encourage their fellow students with 1000 acts of kindness. Although the event was meant to celebrate Random Acts of Kindness Day, there was nothing random about this at all – it was carefully planned, and one might even say in fact that it was a Deliberate Act of Kindness (which is really the best kind!).

In their own words, and pictures, here is their story…..

1. What inspired you to do this?

Our club, Mosaic, decided to do something for random act of kindness day so we were brainstorming ideas. We were inspired by another school in our area who also had the idea to post anonymous sticky notes with compliments on them. We wanted to do something special because we felt like our school really needed something like that to happen.

2. What was the reaction of your friends and others at the school?

Of course there were mixed reactions from the people in our school. The majority of people were in awe when they walked into school that day, and they thought it was cute.I saw a lot of people just slowly walking down the hallways, reading each different sticky note as they passed (some even took a few for themselves to keep). We got a lot of positive feedback from all the students and staff. We didn't advertise that we were the ones that did it, so no one thanked our group personally but there were posts on facebook and instagram thanking whomever did it! The only negative feedback that we got was that it was a "waste of paper", but the smiles and the compliments that we got made it all worthwhile. 

3. Has this little project inspired you to be more aware of kindness, and to do more?

YES!!! 

4. What is the best thing about being kind?

 The best thing about being kind is seeing the smiles and knowing that you made it happen.

   

                                                                                                     

Jones Soda Kindness

 

It is just so encouraging when profit driven companies practice Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR – in the business marketing world). Which, really in simple terms translates as: integrity, community engagement, relationship building, and employee wellbeing. In the past few months I have come across a couple of really inspiring stories that deserve dakbands, and recently I experienced the profound effect of such corporate compassion.

About nine months ago a dear friend, Rick Hill, a member of my home church group was diagnosed with cancer. Last Saturday we celebrated his life at his funeral. He died a pop star – literally.

His beloved wife, Dena, entered a picture of Rick in a contest to appear on the label of Jones Soda. Their picture won. When the company learned that Rick had died, they provided the root beer with Rick’s label for everyone at the reception. Nuff said. Go buy some Jones Soda!

It should be noted that the picture above epitomizes Rick - shoveling snow in a kilt (sporran and all), work boots,  a leather jacket and a cowboy hat (he made that kilt himself!). How we will miss you, and your kindness.         

                                                                                          

No More Chemo Kindness

I first met Jason when he was about 14 or 15 years old. He and my son, Kohen, became friends, united by their mutual passion for skateboarding. Jason was quite unlike any of Kohen’s other friends. For one thing, he was about six and half feet tall, had girl-long hair, and a mouth that could rival a sailor. He was also brutally honest, funny, smart, and those big brown eyes had a depth and wisdom beyond his years. He soon became number two son.

 Kohen and Jason

Admittedly, as someone who learns the hard way, he made some poor choices after high-school that derailed him in some ways, but probably accelerated his personal growth and development in other ways. He accepted responsibility, and his punishment, with his usual reflective wisdom (which his mother and I often hoped would become foresight instead of hindsight:). Little did we know how Jason’s experiences would provide him with the strength and endurance needed to face cancer.

Last Christmas, he was diagnosed with Stage 3, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. He was 21. It had spread to his chest and abdomen. For the next six months he spent every other Wednesday in a chemo chair while a four drug cocktail slowly dripped the equivalent of draino into his veins, scouring away everything in its’ path – we hoped. I was fortunate enough to be his chauffeur on most days. And although I know he dreaded the poking and prodding, the fatigue and sickness, the isolation of sitting in that chemo chair, I looked forward to our time together in the car. We talked about pretty much everything with Jason’s frank and insightful wisdom. I’m not sure who helped who more on those car rides.

On August 15^th, we made what we hoped was our last chemo drive to Hamilton. Then the waiting began. Waiting for the results of the six-month Cat scan. I find it difficult to describe in words, that tension of tempering hope with reality. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for Jason. September 5^th was Results Day. On the way I asked Jason, on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest despair ever, and 1 being the complete opposite) how disappointed he would be if he needed just a couple more treatments – just to be sure what to expect if the news was not what we hoped. Without hesitation he said, “A ten.” I wasn’t looking forward to the appointment.

Last chemo treatment

 

By the time the doctor came into the room all I could hear was the blood pounding in my head. She began talking about size of the lymph nodes, but ended with, “We can stop the chemo.” I’m pretty sure that’s all Jason heard. Five powerful, hopeful words. The doctor wouldn’t say he was ‘cured’, but definitely in remission! The only thing left to do was decide where to have our celebratory dinner. Jason picked Kelsey’s.

Celebration Dinner

We packed up the car with my six year, Jason’s girlfriend Dana, her son Caleb, and my son’s father, and headed out to celebrate. When our waitress, Danielle, asked us what we were celebrating I almost cried, “As of today, Jason has been declared cancer free.” Then she almost cried. A few moments later she brought out all our appetizers and explained that the manager, Brian Moore, had gifted them in honour of the great news. After dinner he came to shake Jason’s hand and congratulate him. I gave Brian and Danielle dakbands – of course. We took pictures and basked in the glow of kindness. Thank-you Brian. Kelsey’s is now our new favourite restaurant.

Kelsey's kindness

                                                                                                     

Nice Hat!

  
As I was walking my pooché, Mojo, this morning, an elderly gentleman cycled past and shouted out, "Nice hat!" I shouted back, "Thank-you!"

  It changed the course of my day. I felt prettier, more confident, happier, and even considered chasing after him to give him a dakband; although admittedly my hat would have looked a lot less attractive squashed against my head with one hand, while the other dragged my small, white dog down the street simultaneously trying to wave the cyclist down. As I considered my options, I became aware of how difficult it was for me to simply accept the compliment without offering something in return, or even worse, deflecting it in some manner. I love to compliment people, in fact I make a point of complimenting a complete stranger every day. Yet, I struggle to accept the same gestures offered me.

Giving a compliment is certainly a deliberate act of kindness. Graciously receiving a compliment is also a deliberate act of kindness, both to yourself and the person offering the compliment. On an intellectual level I understand this, on an emotional level, well, let's just say I need practice. So I Googled, 'how to take a compliment' and this is what I found - it is great advice. Take four minutes to watch this video!

Practice today. Give someone a compliment, a complete stranger. Tell them you love their perfume, or their shoes, or whatever. Be aware of how they receive the compliment. Be aware of how their face and body language change, lights up. Be aware of how you feel. Now when someone compliments you, consider all these things and let your light shine. Just say, "Thank-you."

Here is a pic of my nice hat, and our beautiful Jaime.

                                                                                                        

Dutch Mammas

  

I don't usually lead with a photo, but really there isn't any other way to describe Dianne, my crazy, beautiful, sensitive - and need I say, FIT - friend of 34 years ( I might be amiss if I didn't add, Dutch).

She has too many talents to list, and I adore her for all of them. Best of all, she loves her Mama, who is equally tall, beautiful and Dutch.

This is from Dianne for her Mom.........

Like many of us, one of the ways our mothers show us their kindess and their love is through food!!  My mom is certainly one of those moms.

She knows what my favorite Christmas dessert is (her homemade butter tarts....ooooooh, the saliva starts flowing at the mere thought of those labour-intensive culinary treasures!) and she always makes sure there is a batch waiting for me at Christmas.

   Likewise, everyone in the family has a favorite food item that she lovingly prepares for each of us when we go to visit, or when she comes to visit us (cookie tins and coolers arrive packed full!) . It might be her special ribs, or her trifle, or her peach pie, or her lemon poppy seed cake, or her Cornflake cookies, or her shortbread cookies, or her pea soup, or her mincemeat pies, or her special cabbage, or her OLIBALLEN ( a Dutch specialty which used to be our New Year's Day treat) .

And everyone in the family knows that those treats get made for each specific person who particularly adores that food.   She spends hours....days.... in her kitchen in Burlington happily preparing these goodies for us.

She is a master in the kitchen.... she is a pro.  And she is such a loving, selfless mother, grandmother, stepmother, mother-in-law, wife.  I adore her for soooo many reasons, and I could undoubtedly go on, but I was asked to think of how she shows her kindness, and this was the first of many examples that came to mind.

So there you have it.... my first instalment of Betta Hoeve - The Kindness Queen.   In the next instalment, you will hear about how her worrying ways are also manifestations of the loving kindness for those who she holds dear.

Dianne Hoeve (a proud and appreciative daughter)

                                                                                                        

The Almost Party Kindness

 
Shortly after we turned 40, a good friend from France, Catherine, expressed (in a manner uniquely french and therefore evocative) how this milestone birthday had triggered waves of self reflection and nostalgia. At the time I was busy getting married (for the second time), moving, blending families, starting a business, and apparently, was not as self reflective as I might have been - sadly for me. However, the intervening ten years have revealed storylines that require some reflection and evaluation. Let me assure you that time flies whether you are having fun or not. Although friends and family were making celebratory plans, I asked them if I could gracefully bow out to take some much needed time for rumination. Their generosity and understanding were the best birthday present ever.

As it turns out one weekend is hardly enough to assimilate the events, loves, losses, and choices of 50 years. So I've decided to take the entire year to celebrate and contemplate. I'll share my discoveries and epiphanies here. To start I'd like to share some of the birthday kindnesses I've experienced so far.

The birthday invite to my Almost Party, made lovingly by the most wonderful, creative genius, Carolin.

    

 Birthday bonfire hosted by one of my bestest, most intriguing, intellectually inspired friends, Michael, and shared with two of my bestest, forever friends extraordinaire, Brian and Eileen.






Me, trying to contain all the love, adoration and gratitude spilling all over my beautiful daughter, Brennyn. She gave me two incredible pieces of art she created, during her studies at OCAD.





This is one of them.....
                                                                   
             

  Then Garrett couldn't wait to give me the "splendid" gifts he loving selected. Apparently he tried on every hat in the store before finally settling on this lovely, white number. Please note the "fabulous" colours of the accompanying necklace!

 I spent this past weekend in Vancouver, celebrating with Kohen and Jaime. Every moment was a treasure. We walked, ate, laughed, ate some more, walked some more, and words can't express how I miss them already....







 

 While in Vancouver I stayed with one of my oldest friends. She has always been, and remains an inspiration to me. She is an artist, a dancer, an entrepreneur, explorer and sage, but to me she is just Ainslie. Thank-you.


And to think, I only have 11 more months to celebrate (and reflect).


        

MOM = WOW

To continue our honouring of Moms throughout the month of May, I have a story that perhaps has already crossed your FB or inbox in one way or another. It is about a mother's love. The other day I saw a card that illustrated how M-O-M spelled upside down is WOW......this is a WOW MOM.

I don't want to canonize Lacey Buchanan, she lives with enough pressure without the rest of us holding her to inscrutable standards, but I do want to honour her creativity, courage and beauty. She is beautiful, very much like her name, delicate and transparent. And she shows us the deep truth of true beauty - how the eye of the beholder can transform how others see.

For me, the most moving part of the video is watching Lacey's expressions. Motherhood could probably be defined through these expressions.

I hope you'll take a few minutes to experience the transformation.

You can find a great article about Lacey here, and join her on FB here.

Ainslie's Mom

My mom has always volunteered her time. As long as I can remember she has been involved with many worthwhile organizations, from church to seniors homes, and women's groups that support communities locally and overseas. Now, at 80 (something) she still volunteers. She is really remarkable that way. She spreads kindness through her service to others, lending a hand wherever it is needed.

I now volunteer because of her example, and I thoroughly love it!

Ainslie xoxo



Thanks  Ainslie for sharing.

For those of you who are not aware, Ainslie and I have been friends since high-school. Best of friends. From her days as a principle dancer at Ballet British Columbia, to her current role as incredibly successful entrepreneur and business woman (see Ainsliewear), she has been an inspiration - much like her mother Selma, whom I adore. Whenever I get the opportunity to connect with Selma, she has some wonderful story about some wonderful, exotic place just visited. These are some of the most precious gifts I think that she has passed on to Ainslie, her curiosity and adventurous spirit. I feel blessed to be part of their lives.
                                                                                                       

Celebrating My Mother's Kindness

 I don't know how it got to be May already, but the signs are unmistakable: big yellow bags dirt dotting driveways, the sounds of lawn mowers and that intoxicating smell of fresh cut grass, garden centres springing up in parking lots and early morning walkers and runners celebrating sun and warmth after a long, dark winter. And of course, signs and messages everywhere reminding us to celebrate our mothers. So I've decided to do just that, by inviting friends to write a guest post about how their mothers influenced their perception of kindness. Scattered throughout the month we'll share stories and memories celebrating these amazing women.

I'll begin.

When I sat down to consider how my own mother influenced my perception of kindness I realized that the task I'd given so many friends was not as simple as I imagined. Not that I can't think of innumerable ways in which my mother is kind, there are just too many to express easily.  I have many vivid memories of my mother extending herself to the service of others. Yet it is only through hindsight I recognize her selflessness as acts of deliberate kindness. At the time it was just my mother being herself. For example, although she had four children under 5 at home, and we lived out in the boonies, she took a course to help illiterate adults learn to read and write - then she learned to drive so she could go to their homes. She always took care of neighborhood children and families whenever there was a crisis, all the time, cooking, canning, sewing, for her own.

I'll never forget the summer we spent driving to the west coast (and back), camping (in a tent) along the way. Four kids and a car sick Labrador in a station wagon for three long weeks. Somewhere in the prairies we came across a hitch hiker, my mother told my dad to stop and pick him up - how times have changed :) Well, he must have been desperate because he spent the next four days squeezed into the back seat with us. This was my mother, she could spot a stray soul from a distance. She still can. I love that about her. I love everything about her.

And it probably explains why, at sixteen, I showed up at home with two penniless, french guys who were traveling around the world - without even a call to warn my mother that they were with me. They walked into the restaurant where I was working and I could just sense they needed family. They stayed three days (and for years afterward, we received post cards from them, as their adventures continued).

I guess my mother expressed her kindness best through family. She knows that family is not defined by relatedness, but by relationships. Thank-you Mom.

Last year was my parents 50th wedding anniversary - I love this picture of my Mom

                                                                                                       

The Spaces Between Us

I recently came across a wonderful article at one of my favourite sites, Brain Pickings. It provides an excerpt from David Goslings' book, Science and the Indian Tradition: When Einstein Met Tagore. Most of us know who Einstein is, but if you're like me, you were probably unaware that Tagore was an Indian philosopher and poet, as well as, the first non-European to win the Nobel Peace Prize for Literature. In 1930 Einstein invited the then 69 year old Tagore to his home in Berlin. Gosling calls the conversation between the two great thinkers, "a masterful meditation on the most fundamental questions of human existence".

At one point Tagore is describing how he perceives humanity and the universe as inextricably linked. He compares humanity to matter. Matter is made of tiny particles that have gaps between them, although it appears to be solid. Humanity is made up of individuals, but we are inextricably linked by relationships. Using Tagore's model it stands to reason then, that the quality of the relationships, the energy that unites us, makes us solid, gives us form by teaching us about love, values, morals, and principles of truth, compassion, and kindness, determines how we exist.

While contemplating the magic of this analogy I stumbled upon some research about social capital. Social capital was first described in 1913 like this:

"I do not refer to real estate, or to personal property or to cold cash, but rather to that in life which tends to make these tangible substances count for most in the daily lives of people, namely, goodwill, fellowship, mutual sympathy and social intercourse among a group of individuals and families who make up a social unit… If he may come into contact with his neighbor, and they with other neighbors, there will be an accumulation of social capital, which may immediately satisfy his social needs and which may bear a social potentiality sufficient to the substantial improvement of living conditions in the whole community. The community as a whole will benefit by the cooperation of all its parts, while the individual will find in his associations the advantages of the help, the sympathy, and the fellowship of his neighbors (pp. 130-131)."

Interestingly, research suggests that neighbourhood social capital helps to generate more social capital between individuals and this in turn has a protective effects against depression. Instead of a vicious circle we have a virtuous cycle. I think that social capital is the gap that makes us appear solid, whole, united. I like to think that dakbands help to generate that social capital by reminding us that we are all part of the same Universe, inextricably linked - and how we treat each other matters (pun intended).

 

AWESOME!

  
Okay, let me start by saying, "I don't get out much." So when I heard on the radio that Neil Pasricha was going to be signing books and announcing his number one most awesome thing- after four years of blogging and two international best selling books - at Chapters, I immediately thought, 'I can give him some dakbands', followed by, '...and wear my new shoes.' Okay, it might have been the other way around.......when a girl finds a $400 pair of shoes for $50 (yes, this is awesome!), any excuse will do.

However, I didn't consider the ramifications of standing in line for two and half hours in these babies. Let's just say that if my daughter hadn't come to my rescue with a pair of flats, so I could walk to the car, I might have become a permanent fixture at the store, unable to move. As it is, a day later I'm still limping. Taking them off was AWESOME!

And despite the pain, even the wait in line was awesome because I met some great, interesting people. Adam - who went to school with Neil's sister Nina - and I had a wonderful chat about everything from work to Belgian chocolate. I don't know the name of the young woman who in empathy offered me her chair while saying, " your shoes are beautiful"; but, I hope the shoe gods bless her. Yes, I gave her a dakband.

When I finally got to meet Neil, I was a bit delirious. I think it was a combination of the screaming pain in my feet, the fact that I hadn't eaten in about 8 hours and the arrhythmias (probably due to the previous two). I think I babbled. However, it was all worth it. I gave him two dakbands and he seemed genuinely impressed. I think that is what struck me most about him, his ability to sincerely, and generously, take a moment to connect with every person that approached his table. Picture after picture he smiled leaving each fan feeling a little more awesome than when they arrived.

 So what was Neil's 1000th most awesome thing........ check it out here
                                                                                                    

What Caine has taught me

Usually, I am one of the last to jump on the band wagon of any kind - due primarily to the fact that I often don't even know there is a band wagon until the ride is over. However, in this case I think I'm an early adopter thanks to Karma Tube and their weekly video. I recommend you hop on because this 11 minute video deserves your attention.

Caine, the gentle, innocent, and unwitting, nine year old star of this short documentary has changed the direction of his life, and perhaps the lives of many others with some cardboard boxes, imagination and the simple faith of childhood. Watching him commit so completely to his project and vision, and then waiting expectantly, hopefully,  for customers,  is almost painful.........until Nirvan arrives. I won't reveal anymore. It might diminish the joy you are certain to experience.

Caine's arcade reminds me of the power of creativity and imagination, of what can happen when children put down technology and play. And Nirvan is an astute, and wise arcade authority, who has shared a beautiful story through his film. In recognition I am sending Nirvan some dakbands registered to Caine's Arcade. I hope that maybe Caine will even use some dakbands for his arcade prizes.

   

Drop, Drop......

A couple of weeks ago, the child psychologist that our son Garrett visits once a week (we call her Dr. Pam), introduced a book to him that has changed our lives - really. I was describing the book and transformation to a friend, and between mouthfuls of a delicious lentil curry soup at Kind Food, she simply said, "Sounds like something we should all practice."

The book is titled, Have You Filled a Bucket Today. With beautifully coloured illustrations, and simple text, this heartwarming story explains how each of us has an invisible bucket. Sometimes, when we are feeling happy, confident, special, included, our buckets are full. Other times, when we are feeling sad, lonely, frustrated, angry, our buckets are empty, or low. The authors teach us that we can fill other people's buckets in simple ways, which is signified by a drop, drop, drop.....or we can dip into people's buckets when we ignore them, are rude, or mean, and this is represented by a drip, drip, drip. Most poignantly, is the reality, that by filling up some elses' bucket, we fill up our own. There is a wonderful website with support materials called, The Bucketfillers.

This morning when I set Garrett's breakfast down in front of him, he looked at me and said, "Drop, Drop." This is a five year old. He gets it. I am one proud Mama. Now, whenever we go out about our day, we look at people and discuss whether they are putting drops in buckets, or causing them to drip out. Good practice.

I just have to point out the obvious, and draw the correlation to the dakbands. Talk about bucketfilling! In reality, this concept really sums up the dakband project from another perspective. It reinforces the importance of acknowledging, sharing, encouraging kindness every day, all day long. Become a bucketfiller, dak someone today.

Drop, Drop.......

Consensus Builds Community

Although I love politics, American politics in particular, I will spare you any analysis of the burgeoning "Occupy" movement - as tempting as it may be. Having said that, I think that there are aspects and outcomes of the movement that are worth discussing. As the occupation of Wall Street persists we are witness to the possibility of community unified by the ideals of humanity: shared, mutual interests, collective concern, servant leadership, empathy and conscientious choice.

In a wonderful article in the New York Times, Sunday Review, the author writes about the Power of Place, and how public space can facilitate consciousness and democracy. He describes how hundreds of strangers are managing to live together, under rather primitive conditions, by sharing and organizing resources, tasks, and energy. But what I loved most about the article was reference to Aristotle's belief that community requires face-to-face conversation. (And in an age where face-to-face conversation is increasingly rare, especially between strangers, the model of community in the park may be an oracle of sorts.) Everyone in the park agrees that consensus builds community.

However, when individuals work collectively, with compassion, intention, and respect to share in a greater vision they are also building community through deliberate acts of kindness. It's as if consensus builds kindness and community.

Community Kindness

“The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness.”

The 14th Dalai Lama

What a beautiful piece of wisdom. Not that we should be surprised, the Dalai Lama is nothing if not wise. Simple truths have a way of reaching in and touching us in quiet, yet reflective ways. This one touches me. I think of what it means to cultivate rich, fertile soil....

I have a garden in my back yard. I grow all kinds of vegetables, herbs and perennials, with lots of help from my friend and community garden specialist, Carolin. The trouble is the soil in my garden is almost dead. It has taken three years, organic sheep manure, compost, importing worms, and lots of love to refurbish and restore the soil so that we could grow something, anything. It still isn't fertile enough, but we're getting there. With my own composter, installed this past spring, I feel like my soil will be happy again soon. All this time and effort, to make dirt healthy.

Now, imagine cultivating an appreciation of goodness, of kindness. What would that look like? What would grow? According to the Dalai Lama, goodness and kindness. Seems worth it to me. And it seems to me that Hamid Chaudhry, a Dairy Queen owner from Reading Pennsylvania, is an expert. In an article in the New York Times, a story is told about a man who understands what it means to till the soil of goodness. And because the dakband project is all about harvesting goodness, we'll be sending him some dakbands to share with his customers and community.

I don't have a picture of Hamid, but I can share some photos of goodness from my garden.....(but you can see a slide show of the article on our facebook page)

Every so Often....

Every so often a story of kindness is so inspiring it becomes a movie. Usually though, that process takes many years. In this case, it's a matter of months.

Recently, a young man, Allan Guei won a free throw competition at his California high school (Compton High). The competition allowed all students with a 3.0 GPA or better the chance to win a $40,000.00 scholarship. There were 8 finalists, but Allan won the event. However at his June commencement he announced that he was splitting the money equally between the other 7 finalists, because he had already won a full scholarship to college. There was nothing stopping him from keeping the money, or even giving it to his family, instead he choose to pay the first year tuition of the other finalists. He choose kindness and compassion. I wonder how many of us would have made the same choice, under similar circumstances? I am inspired.

The story has become a full-length documentary that will be featured at the Sun Dance Film Festival this year.

We will be sending Allan and the finalists dakbands.

To see the trailer and some photos click here

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”
Dalai Lama

Financial Kindness

Yet another interesting scientific perspective about kindness. This time in the form of wealth distribution. Scientists (anthropologists and evolutionary theorists) are suggesting that we, as a society, are inherently programmed toward fairness. In fact, it contributes to our survival.

An article in the New York Times, Thirst for Fairness May Have Helped Us Survive, by Natalie Angier, presents a number of scientific studies as well as real-life examples of remote tribal peoples, that indicate fairness may be an evolutionary trait.

One particular study, was particularly interesting. Researchers from Harvard Business School and Duke University, surveyed approximately 5000 Americans (an equal number of Republicans and Democrats, across 47 states, equal number of men and women, and varying levels of personal income) about wealth distribution. What was fascinating about this survey is that all the participants greatly underestimated the current wealth distribution gap in the U.S.. As it stands, the top 20% control 84% of the wealth. More importantly however, is that when the survey participants were asked to choose an ideal wealth distribution, "All groups—even the wealthiest respondents—desired a more equal distribution of wealth than what they estimated the current United States level to be..."

Professors, and authors of, The Spirt Level: Why Equality is Better for Everyone, Kate Pickett and Richard Wilkinson, provide a list on their website that details the evidence for equality. Here is a sampling of positive outcomes of more equal societies:

• People in more equal societies live longer, a smaller proportion of children die in infancy and self-rated health is better

• People in more equal societies are far less likely to experience mental illness

• People in more equal societies are less likely to use illegal drugs.

• Children do better at school in more equal societies

• Communities are more cohesive and people trust each other more in more equal societies

• Homicide rates are lower and children experience less violence in more equal societies

• More equal societies spend a higher proportion their income on overseas aid and perform better on the Global Peace Index

Do you think people are kinder in more equal societies? You'll see in Natalie's article that fairness and kindness have a lot in common. It's encouraging to learn that even if people are unaware of extent of the wealth gap, that they feel, inherently, that it should be more equal.

And they are correct. The evidence speaks for itself.