Jaime Love

 
When I invited Jaime, my son's girlfriend, partner, love, to write about her mother I didn't expect this. I was excited about her contribution because I've listened to her share stories about her childhood, and they were rich, and deep, and magical. I wanted to share that experience with you. I also know that Jaime has a relationship with her mother, Cheri, that expresses beautifully, daughter-mother love. I am incredibly moved that she included me.

Cheri, Happy Mother's Day, today and everyday.

“I told my Mom about you.” Kohen said as we walked along Union street on a crisp Autumn day in Kingston, Ontario. I remember my footing as we cleared the intersection as well as the golden sunshine slinking below the tree-line waiting for dusk. I remember everything from that moment because those words are poignant, saturated with meaning, and resonating to this day.

I have always been close to my Mother. I have always heralded her as this beacon of strength, reason, and compassion. She see’s the world in a spectacular and vibrant way and has taught me to breathe, see, listen, and experience with raw and liberated intention. She was, and continues to be, the first one I call for, cry for, smile for, and love.

I adore Kohen for the ways in which he loves his Mom. He knows what love is, and has learnt it from her. I know that we share this unshakable bond with the women that brought us into this world. Sharing this gives us more reason and strength to love ourselves and each other in ways that are amazingly positive and nurturing. The four of us, while maybe not obvious, share this incredible connection. We all call each other for support, for laughter, for consolation, and for affection. We draw inspiration and wisdom from each other. This gives us strength to put our best selves forward and to project kindness, love, and compassion onto our own individual environments.

Kohen and I know what kindness and love is because of our mothers. We are continuously learning and experiencing while practicing this knowledge so that, we too, can grow older sharing this light.

Jaime makes love feel like a beautiful blanket she has unfolded, and wrapped around your shoulders.
                                                                                                       

MOM = WOW

To continue our honouring of Moms throughout the month of May, I have a story that perhaps has already crossed your FB or inbox in one way or another. It is about a mother's love. The other day I saw a card that illustrated how M-O-M spelled upside down is WOW......this is a WOW MOM.

I don't want to canonize Lacey Buchanan, she lives with enough pressure without the rest of us holding her to inscrutable standards, but I do want to honour her creativity, courage and beauty. She is beautiful, very much like her name, delicate and transparent. And she shows us the deep truth of true beauty - how the eye of the beholder can transform how others see.

For me, the most moving part of the video is watching Lacey's expressions. Motherhood could probably be defined through these expressions.

I hope you'll take a few minutes to experience the transformation.

You can find a great article about Lacey here, and join her on FB here.

When Kindness Hurts

For the past couple of weeks I've had three young adults in the house, two of my own and one visitor from Belgium. Mine include a son and a daughter, the third feels like she is my daughter. They range in age from 18 to 21. (Don't forget I have a four year old as well). Last week there were two break-ups in 24 hours. My two were the dumpees. A coincidence that left me exhausted because of course these estrangements occurred at 3:00 am., and I don't think my snoring would have been interpreted as very comforting while I tried to be as consoling as one can be at that hour of the morning.

Many cups of coffee later, as I pondered the pain and heartache of young love, it struck me that despite two very different manners of dumping, the outcome was the same - sorrow. The first dump arrived by email and was followed up by a bankrupting long-distance phone call. The second was personal, gentle, respectful and even kind.

Then 24 hours later, both dumpees were reunited with their respective boyfriend/girlfriend. Before I had even caught up on any sleep, the tears and the sobs had been replaced by the incessant and familiar clicking of texting keys.

It made me pause though and think about how sometimes even kindness hurts.

Three Time Lucky

Timing is everything.

Sometime around noon today I found myself in the Defibrillator Clinic at the Toronto General Hospital trying to maintain some semblance of composure as I explained to my mother, in the public waiting room, that I was being admitted, yet again. I need a third surgery to fix a misplaced lead in my heart. My Mom immediately grabbed my hand and suggested we say a little prayer. “Let’s just give this to God. He’s already here,” she whispered. So I began to silently chant, “God you are taking care of me.” We were sent downstairs for x-rays and blood work while my room was being organized. I kept chanting.

As I stood in line for blood work I couldn’t help but notice the beautiful young Caribbean girl, maybe 16 or 17 years old, in line in front of me. Her hair was wrapped in a lovely head scarf, she looked about four months pregnant and like she felt quite ill. When she approached the desk to register everybody in line learned that she didn’t have a Health Card, and the test she required cost thirty dollars, which she didn’t have. Before her conversation with nurse ended I started to frantically tear through the black abyss I carry around as a purse, looking for thirty dollars. All I could find was a twenty. I ran over to my Mom, who had not seen or heard the situation, and barked at her to quickly give me ten dollars. The look on her face at any other time would have been Candid Camera material, but I in was in a hurry. I caught the young woman at the doorway and slid the money into her hand. She turned and collapsed in tears on my chest. “Thank-you, Thank-you, Thank-you.” I just held her and told her everything would be okay. I hope I didn’t lie. A little while latter, we bumped into her again as she was coming out of an elevator. She offered me the $1.50 in change left over from the thirty dollars. I kissed her cheek and hugged her. I didn’t know what else to do.

I got in the elevator to go up to my room. In that moment all the fear and anxiety that I was feeling evaporated. It was only thirty dollars, but this third surgery is worth it.

The Love Gap

I'm not sure what the Valentine's Day equivilent to Scrooge is, but you might just consider me one after reading this post. However, in my defense, I think that Love in general is an awesome cause for celebration and awareness. Having said that, let me frame this post for you:

Yesterday, I was invited to a womens' study group. A good friend (and excellent hair stylist), is co-leading the group through Joyce Meyer's new book, The Love Revolution. I took copious amounts of notes, and enjoyed every love filled moment. And I was a little frustrated at the same time. For two years I've been using the dakbands to encourage people to reach out and connect with people, to make a conscious choice to choose kindness as an expression of love and compassion. With the understanding that, this choice will change how we all live in the world. So, when, at the end of the session we were asked to pull a 'love task' out of a hat, complete it before the next session and come back willing to share our story about completing the task, I wanted to jump up and scream " hello everybody......dakbands!!" I mean, really, what is a 'love task' but a deliberate act of kindness? (I'm done whining. Sorry Tara!)

As I reviewed my notes last night I felt inspired by an analogy that suddenly became very clear to me. Over the past year, while working on my Master's Degree and spending an inordinate amount of time doing research, it has become clear to me (and every other researcher on the planet) that there is often a gap between research and application. Research is one hundred percent theory. And theories are great, but unless there is some practical application, they don't help us. For example, a researcher theorizes that smoking causes lung cancer. Until that theory is tested, and eventually programs/laws are put in place to help reduce those risks, the theory itself isn't that useful. Love is the theory. But it isn't enough to talk about love. For love to be useful, we need to bridge the gap. Love must be applied. Kindness is not only a fruit of the spirit, it is the practical application of 'perfect love' in our lives and communities.

Maybe I need to write a book, The Dakband Revolution?