Consensus Builds Community

Although I love politics, American politics in particular, I will spare you any analysis of the burgeoning "Occupy" movement - as tempting as it may be. Having said that, I think that there are aspects and outcomes of the movement that are worth discussing. As the occupation of Wall Street persists we are witness to the possibility of community unified by the ideals of humanity: shared, mutual interests, collective concern, servant leadership, empathy and conscientious choice.

In a wonderful article in the New York Times, Sunday Review, the author writes about the Power of Place, and how public space can facilitate consciousness and democracy. He describes how hundreds of strangers are managing to live together, under rather primitive conditions, by sharing and organizing resources, tasks, and energy. But what I loved most about the article was reference to Aristotle's belief that community requires face-to-face conversation. (And in an age where face-to-face conversation is increasingly rare, especially between strangers, the model of community in the park may be an oracle of sorts.) Everyone in the park agrees that consensus builds community.

However, when individuals work collectively, with compassion, intention, and respect to share in a greater vision they are also building community through deliberate acts of kindness. It's as if consensus builds kindness and community.

Every so Often....

Every so often a story of kindness is so inspiring it becomes a movie. Usually though, that process takes many years. In this case, it's a matter of months.

Recently, a young man, Allan Guei won a free throw competition at his California high school (Compton High). The competition allowed all students with a 3.0 GPA or better the chance to win a $40,000.00 scholarship. There were 8 finalists, but Allan won the event. However at his June commencement he announced that he was splitting the money equally between the other 7 finalists, because he had already won a full scholarship to college. There was nothing stopping him from keeping the money, or even giving it to his family, instead he choose to pay the first year tuition of the other finalists. He choose kindness and compassion. I wonder how many of us would have made the same choice, under similar circumstances? I am inspired.

The story has become a full-length documentary that will be featured at the Sun Dance Film Festival this year.

We will be sending Allan and the finalists dakbands.

To see the trailer and some photos click here

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”
Dalai Lama

Commencement Kindness

It’s that time of year. Commencement ceremonies are taking place around the world. Young men and women find themselves at the end, of arguably, the most invigorating time of their lives. Invigorating in the sense that rarely, outside of the four years (plus or minus) of university/college, do the intellectual and social intersect to provide such a consistent, enduring, sense of power, enthusiasm, and attainable vision. Coming to the end of that time is filled with what my five-year-old would call, mixed-emotions. As the dean at my son’s recent, commencement ceremony noted, these mixed-emotions apply equally to parents, as well as, the graduates themselves. I was grateful that he acknowledged me. He wisely quoted Erma Bombeck, “Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.”

Although my beautiful son, whom I’m sure just yesterday, was crawling up on my lap with a well-loved book, leaping off the couch proudly wrapped in his superman cape, and relentlessly practicing kick-flips on the driveway, was beaming; I spent most of day unsuccessfully choking back tears. Unemployment is an emotional shock.

As such, I was intrigued when I discovered the wonderful (and new favourite) website called, brainpickings. They recently featured, “Words to live by: 5 Timeless Commencement Addresses.” I won’t torture you with my interpretation or synopsis of all five speakers, suffice to say, they are worth a listen. But I will provide you with just a couple treasures that inspired me.

J.K. Rowlings (Harry Potter fame) addressed Harvard graduates in 2008. Her address rekindled my secret longing to have been born British – how else to have such a natural sense of humour, wit, and timing? Jealousy aside, let me leave you with this, “We do not need magic to transform our world, we carry all the power we need inside us already: we have the power to imagine better.”

Then, from Jeff Bezos (founder of Amazon), “It’s harder to be kind, than clever………Cleverness is a gift, kindness is a choice. Gifts are easy — they’re given after all. Choices can be hard. You can seduce yourself with your gifts if you’re not careful, and if you do, it’ll probably be to the detriment of your choices.”

So I would say, in my Commencement address, “ Each of you has the power to profoundly change the world each and every day. You do not have to aspire to greatness, you simply chose to be kind. Imagine that world, then make the choice to create it.”

My son Kohen, and my unemployed self.

It's that time again

On April 30th students graduating from grade 8, and grade 12 will be 'shopping' for prom dresses, suits and accessories.

Two years ago Deliberate Acts of Kindness hosted the first Cinderella Event. In less than 8 weeks Kara and I managed to collect over 1000 dresses, hundreds of pairs of shoes, boxes full of jewelery, and a team of volunteers that helped 100 young girls (who would otherwise not have be able to afford to attend their graduation) find the perfect graduation dress and accessories. And because it was Mother's Day weekend we invited the mothers to shop as well. All this was made possible by the incredible generosity and kindness of friends, family and complete strangers, from all over Southern Ontario. They donated amazing dresses and accessories, and then they volunteered the day of. Then after the event, many of them sent notes thanking us for the experience.

So when the Halton Learning Foundation asked us to help them host the event this year, we were thrilled. It's a win win situation. We get to be part of a transformational event (but with a lot less work :) and the Halton Learning Foundation (HLF) gets our expertise to co-ordinate a transformational event. This year the event was expanded to include young men as well.

Over the next month, leading up to the event, I'll be posting about the developments, the volunteers, the sponsors, and hopefully we'll even have some personal stories from some of the young girls who participated in the last event.

To start, I want to give a shout out to Glad Tidings Church in Burlington. They have generously donated their venue for the event.

Then we have Joelle's, a fabulous women's boutique in Burlington, that has offered to be drop off location for those who have dresses or accessories to donate. If that wasn't enough, they are offering a 20% discount on a new dress for your donation, as well as, 10% discount on any new accessories.

Finally, as far as partners go, we have Charles Sturt University. Students have volunteered to help coordinate the event and serve in all the various roles the day of.

Here is our event flyer:



Please visit the HLF website to see how you can help at this year's event.

Time Flies

I wouldn't say I've been having fun exactly, but the past couple of weeks have certainly flown by. It's hard to believe that February is here and Wiarton Willie has predicted an early spring, despite the frigidly cold temperatures and mock snow storms. I've been crazy busy marking papers for the sport psychology course that I am TAing, and spending way too much time at doctors appointments.

Nevertheless, I have been looking for great stories of kindness to share. Last weekend my sister showed me the Youtube video of Chris Medina on American Idol. Although I am an American Idol fan, I missed the show last week. When Steve Tyler whispers into Julianne's ear at the end of the segment it is incredibly moving. What an exceptional act of kindness and grace. I think we have to send him some dakbands.
Have a look:


Speaking of dakbands, we did receive the samples of our new silicone bands. Unfortunately, the kerning on our website address is waaaaay off, so we are waiting for new samples :( Here's the problem:




I'm not sure what kind of acts of kindness the bands are promoting, but sure doesn't look like deliberate. Hopefully, I'll be able to share the real thing in a couple of weeks.

Walking The Labyrinth

As promised, I'll continue my post from yesterday about my New Year's experience at The Sisterhood of St. John the Divine convent.

Here is the program we followed:
Friday, December 31
9:00 am Registration, refreshments
10:00 am First Retreat Session: Celebrating the Past - A Blessed History
12:00 noon Eucharist followed by silent dinner
3:00 pm Second Retreat Session: Visioning the Future - Your New Year
5:00 pm Silent Supper
7:00 pm New Year's Eve Vigil
7:30 pm Third Retreat Session: Finding your symbol in the Labyrinth
9:00 pm New Year's Eve refreshments

Saturday, January 1
8 - 9:00 am Silent Breakfast
9:00 am Morning Prayer
10:00 am Final Retreat Session: Sharing the Light
11:30 am Eucharist followed by talking dinner
1:30 pm departures

General Retreat Rules:
- there is no obligation to participate in any of agenda items
- no cell phones, alcohol, drugs or smoking in the Guest House
- silence in all sleeping areas
- spirit of quiet throughout the building
- Talking in the Conference Room, sitting rooms (with door closed), or outdoors
- meals are silent except for New Year's Day dinner

The balance of silence and talking was perfect. I'd never participated in a silent meal before, and it is quite a unique experience. I found it forced me to eat more consciously. At the end of the meal one of the sisters rings a bell, as a signal that the meal is finished. Everyone stands and says a brief thanksgiving. It was just one of the many enlightenments I enjoyed.

One of the highlights for me was walking the Labyrinth on New Year's Eve. The convent has a beautiful, eleven sided, stone Labyrinth modeled after the labyrinth at Chartres. Each stone in the labybrinth was laid with prayer and the sacredness can be felt upon approach. Before we entered the labyrinth, C.J. (our retreat leader) gave us all some notes on how to use the labyrinth prayerfully, meditatively. Unlike a maze, a labyrinth has no dead ends. There is one path into and out of the center. As you walk the path, you move closer to, and further away from the center. The center of the labyrinth can symbolize the goal of your life, God's heart, the center of the world - anything you want it to. Once you reach the center, you can stay there for as long as is needed. It is a place to focus, savour, release, connect with all of your senses, receive grace and enlightenment. The inward path and the outward path are opportunities of reflection. It is a personal journey. Some questions we were encouraged to ask ourselves as we made the journey included: What am I thankful for, what do I bring with me to the labybrinth, what am I leaving at the center, what am I taking away with me, what causes me to alter my path, is there a symbol that might represent this journey?

Despite the rain, almost everyone at the Retreat walked the Labyrinth. The following day, New Year's Day, we shared our experiences during the last session. The stories were profoundly moving. Some people created artwork that represented the symbol they received during their journey. Each piece of art and story was a gift of inspiration.

The opening of the New Year was kind and gentle to us all.

I've Escaped!

I'm sitting at Starbucks, a place I usually try to avoid working at, due to my deep coffee addiction appreciation; but, I just had to get away from the kids out of the house. If you all haven't noticed it is already January 4th and I haven't been able to carve out a moment to share my New Years thoughts or my experience at the convent. I really, really, love my children, and now that their Christmas break is almost over, I'm really, really, happy to announce that they are both going back to their respective schools in just a few days (I'm certain that they are just as happy). So now that I have some space to think - I wouldn't exactly say that I have 'peace and quiet' here - without someone shouting, "MOM", I can get caught up.

So to begin, I want to wish everyone a Happy, Healthy, 2011.

For me, as the New Year approached I found myself becoming increasingly anxious. 2010 was a rough year, my diagnosis of apical ventricular cardiomyopathy and subsequent four surgeries pushed me into unknown, and frightening territory. I wanted to make the end of 2010, and the beginning of 2011 meaningful, significant - thus, the anxiousness. So, it seemed like Divine intervention when I came across the article in The Star, Spending New Year's Eve with the nuns. And that's what I did.

I arrived at the convent, The Sisterhood of St. John the Divine, at 10 am on the morning of the 31st and I left on New Year's Day at noon. My experience was everything I hoped for, and more. It was contemplative, restorative, inspiring, and gave me an intense experience of community. There were about 30 of us sharing a profound hope for a kind New Year. We came in all shapes, sizes, colours, ages, sexual orientations, and yet we all arrived with our experiences of 2010 seeping out of us unconsciously, begging for release. Sister Constance Joanna (CJ) guided us wisely, compassionately, through that release, and onto a vision for a New Year that expressed and embraced the hope that united such an unlikely group of individuals. During the retreat sessions held in the conference room our stories spilled out, but everywhere else in the convent, including meal times, we were committed to silence. A perfect balance. Silence and sharing.

Over the next few days I'll continue to write about the experience, share some photos, share the agenda of the retreat, and hopefully I'll be able to capture the emotion that we all experienced while walking the Labrynth, but for now, it's back to "MOM". My quiet time is over for today.

So Cool, My Oprah Moment, and "You Can't Buy Happiness"

I'm way behind in my blogging, blame it on the fact that I still do not have any Christmas shopping done - which would make you think that I probably should have been blogging since I wasn't out shopping - but I am spending a good amount of time stressing about it. At any rate, I've got three days worth of stories to share......

So Cool

I was standing in a long line at Starbucks last week (I know that an inordinate number of my blogs begin with that line......it's all free publicity), when I heard a woman sharing with someone else in line that she was spending the entire day running from Christmas concert, to Christmas concert. Three in total, one for each son. She named each son and their concert time. When I heard her mention her second son's name, Kohen, I was shocked. As she walked past to leave, I stopped her. I confessed to overhearing her conversation and explained that I too have a son named Kohen - and it's a name I've never, in 21 years, heard before. She said (and I quote), " Oh I named my son after a former student of mine I had in grade 10. He was such a handsome, smart, cool kid, and I loved his name. Kohen Bauer." I looked at her in disbelief, " Kohen Bauer is my son," I told her. So cool. I gave her some dakbands, and ran out to the car to call Kohen and share the story with him - through my tears! (She spells her son's name: Coen)

My Oprah Moment

I'll confess that one of my dreams is to meet Oprah - I really thought the dakband project might be my ticket, but no luck so far. However, I did have a real life Oprah like moment last week. At the beginning of November I featured a story on our Facebook page about an amazing cheerleading team from Dublin High School in California. Clik on the link and watch the video, it is simply amazing. Well, last week their coach, hosted a Christmas party for all the girls, and surprised them with the dakbands as gifts. I Skyped into the party and was projected onto a big screen in the gymnasium (so Oprah like!) and told the girls how proud I was of them, and explained how to use the bands. Then they all paraded past me and introduced themselves. SO COOL. I even got to meet Rachel (watch the video). I asked her what it was like to be a star, since she has been all over the media since becoming Home Coming Queen. She told me that being a Queen has taken a little getting used to!!

You Can't Buy Happiness

That's what Allen and Violet Large assert. They should know. They recently won 11 million dollars, and gave 98% away to charity. At 78 years of age, and after 36 years of marriage, these two Maritimers, have each other, and their health - at least for the most part (Violet is undergoing cancer treatments). That's all they need. Oh, and maybe a few sets of dakbands that I'm sending them tomorrow. Read about their generosity here.

Gratitude for 1000 Gifts

I had no plans to write another blog post this evening. I made up my mind that I was too tired - exhausted really. The 5:30 am alarm, leaving the house by 6:00 am, driving to Toronto to endure an entire morning of pre-admission tests for my impending fourth cardiac surgery of the year, next Tuesday, wiped me out. I decided to spend the evening in front of the television watching a movie that we intended to watch last night (but worked on a grant proposal until 11:00 pm instead!). While waiting for my husband to wake up from his pre-bedtime nap (he's putting our son to bed), I thought I'd catch up on some blogs I enjoy. So much for the movie......

Ann Voskamp writes a blog called A Holy Experience. Reading her writing is like drinking in peace, entering sacred space and feeling at home, like you never want to leave. Admittedly, I don't follow her blog often enough, or I'd have written about her book before now. One Thousand Gifts: Dare to live fully right where you are, is a book that chronicles her writing of a list of one thousand gifts. Not gifts she wants, but gifts she already has. Everyday gratitude. She calls them daily graces. I like that. Here is her blogpost about the beginning of her journey to recognize all the gifts God has placed in her life, her heart and soul. Some gifts from her list: “… the smell of the florist’s… the sound of kernels of corn streaming, tinkling…. leaves floating in puddles…”

In the same post I found this wonderful quote from John Milton, “Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.”

I realized, reading her post, and Milton's quote, that dakbands are those epiphanies. Moments of kindness (transcendent awe), that change forever how we live in the world. I want people to experience those moments, that new way of being in the world. I want people to create those moments, not wait to stumble upon them. At the end of Ann's post she invites the reader to begin their own list. I am accepting her challenge and will share my list here, and on our facebook page. Choosing to recognize the simplest moments, as gifts, will inspire even more kindness in the world - join me.

#1 filling my house with the exotic smell of indian spices as I try to produce equally exotic tastes

#2 drinking homemade ginger/cinnamon tea

#3 my husband putting the four year old to bed, while I write

#4 curling up in front of the fire to watch that movie.....

Daily Acts of Boldness

I receive a DailyGood in my inbox, a daily story of inspiration. Often these stories are the inspiration for my blog posts, and individuals from these stories are often the recipients of our weekly dak giveaways. The story for today was subtle, yet bold, as the title implies, and the website it originated from is interesting.

The author shared a wonderful quote, which I will shamelessly include for you as well:

Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it….Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one’s thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world. -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The author went on to encourage each of us to live boldly each day. I like this because dakbands are acts of boldness. Instead of moving through each day hesitantly, waiting for the other shoe to drop, do something - put a thought, hope, feeling, wish, dream, into action. Push yourself to do something outside your comfort zone. Do something for someone else. Be aware of others. Be on the look out for small acts of kindness that you can reward, even if you don't know the person. Live boldly, offer them a dakband and then watch as they live boldly and pass that dakband on to someone else, who acts boldly and passes it on ......before you know it we have lit up our map with acts of kindness that have emboldened us all.

Tolerance: A Special Kindness

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. --Leo F. Buscaglia

I facilitate workshops for sport associations and sport governing bodies that focus on sportsmanship - which is it's own special kind of kindness (and why we have sportdaks!). One of the messages we present is the abolishment of 'zero tolerance' policies. I never quite understood how they gained so much momentum in the first place. Municipalities and organizations invested far too much money creating documents that essentially sent exactly the opposite message to the one that was needed! We need to teach, model, encourage and reinforce tolerance in every aspect of our lives. Tolerance is critical expression of kindness.

When I came across this article in the Toronto Star the other day I made sure to put the story in a place where I could find it easily - not the garage:)Despite a history that spans centuries of cultural and religious wars, all it takes is a few individuals with compassionate hearts and minds, and an understanding that tolerance can change the world, to inspire us.

If you share a comment about an example of tolerance that inspired you, I'll send you some dakbands - for free!!

More Marathon Kindness

It may or may not be difficult to believe, but I still cannot walk quite right, and you definitely don't want to watch me navigate any stairs! While dousing my legs with liniment this morning, in hopes of making it downstairs, I suddenly remembered seeing a video of an amazing father and son team that ran marathons and triathlons together. So when I eventually made it to my computer I googled Team Hoyt.

This is a story of extreme love, and kindness, as well as, determination, strength and courage. It will inspire you to not only be kind and compassionate, but maybe even to set goals that you never imagined possible.



Day 24 of 31

Dan Reed

There are no words to describe the beauty and power of this video and music. Please watch, then take another five minutes and watch the interview with Dan Reed. I'm sure you'll become a fan....





Interconnectedness, compassion, kindness.......it is how we can change the world.

Then you might even want to go to his website: www.danreed.com

Day 21 of 31

Amazing!

Yesterday I spent so much time watching, reading, googling, commemorative events honoring 9/11 that I forgot to share them with you. I don't even know where to begin. Perhaps one of the most significant events was the official declaration, by the President, of September 11 being a day of National Service and Remembrance. I'm sure David Paine and Jay Winuk were not thinking that their foundation, My Good Deed, would become a day recognized by the entire country. Please take a moment to read about the program and their story.

Another incredible program is the New York Says Thank-you Foundation, whose mission (from their website): The mission of The New York Says Thank You Foundation is to send volunteers from New York City each year on the 9/11 anniversary to help rebuild communities around the country affected by natural or man-made disasters as our way of commemorating the extraordinary love and generosity extended to New Yorkers by Americans from all across the United States in the days, weeks, and months following 9/11.

The last line on the home page, which is a letter from Jeff Parness (the founder) reads: From one day of terror, 10 years of Kindness.

That says it all. Kindness does change the world.

Day 18 of 31

No Invitation for Me

I had hope right up until Monday evening. In fact when I found a registered mail notification in my mail box Monday afternoon my heart skipped a beat. Could it be? A last minute invitation to Barak Obama's inauguration!!

I have been nursing my inaugural fantasy for a while now. Someone in Chicago or Washington would pass a dakband along to someone in Obama's inner circle/family and they would immediately recognize the potential of the dakband project to support the summons to unity and community that the new president has heralded. As a result, of course, Kara and I would be invited to participate in the event that marks the beginning of personal and global reform.

I will even confess that when our local newspaper featured a front page article about three local high school students who had somehow managed invitations to the inaugural ball simply due to their political and civic engagement I was incredibly jealous proud! :)

When the dakproject began just over a year ago a friend commented that he thought the dakbands would be much more successful in the U.S. than Canada. At first I was somewhat offended by his remark, but he went to explain his reasoning. Compared to Canadians, Americans are much more outgoing, unreserved and quite frankly, friendly (especially to strangers). So he could see them being less afraid/embarrassed to approach someone they don't know from Adam and offering them a dakband for their act of kindness. I definitely understood his point. Thankfully however, we Canadians have disproved his theory and are embracing our 'inner American' with enthusiasm that inspires me. Having said that, I believe that the new president has created a tipping point for the dakband project in the U.S. He has prepared the way, and dakbands are a tool that can help to pave that path with stories, both great and small, that literally show us that change is all about relationship, connections with our fellow citizens. A deliberate consciousness of concern and kindness, that transforms the world we live in by transforming each one of us, and encouraging us to contribute our best.

Restoration

I’d like to leave the Maryann post up forever, just because I want as many people as possible to recognize her. Recognize and acknowledge the ‘Maryanns’ in their lives, those individuals who are the first to raise their hands (and get them dirty), to wrap those around them in encouragement, to see the big picture and work tirelessly on the long and winding road that leads there. However, the nature of the blog demands some on-going train of thought and I have been moved by an article in the Toronto Star by Roy McMurtry (former chief justice of Ontario) and Alvin Curling (a former Liberal cabinet minister and speaker of the Ontario Legislature), entitled, ‘Roots of violence grow in toxic soil of social exclusion’.

It describes how the erosion of social and community networks are contributing factors to a sense of hopelessness among our youth that supports the proliferation of gangs, a desensitization to violence, increases in violence, mental health concerns, apathy and isolation. It is discouraging – to say the least. Although the article speaks specifically about incidents in Toronto, it is important that those of us who feel protected by the illusion of suburbia, and our commuter status, need to understand the viral nature of the problem. Distance from the ‘big city’ whether it be Toronto or any other urban center in North America, does not provide immunity. As the conclusion of the article suggests, the restoration of our communities depends on the quality of relationships we nurture – my wording, but the idea is similar.

I believe that the dakband project is part of the solution precisely because it helps to establish and re-establish relationships. The etymology (history) of the word kind(ness)dates back to the 12th century and means: to feel like you are related to each other, compassionate. It also comes from the Greek word, chrestotes which means to have a morally excellent character, to be good, gracious, gentle and kind. And we are told in the famous passage from 1 Corinthians, that love is two things: patient, and kind. We cannot minimize the importance of simple, yet conscious, deliberate acts of kindness to begin the restoration process, to cultivate relationships, to generate peace and ignite hope.