Consensus Builds Community

Although I love politics, American politics in particular, I will spare you any analysis of the burgeoning "Occupy" movement - as tempting as it may be. Having said that, I think that there are aspects and outcomes of the movement that are worth discussing. As the occupation of Wall Street persists we are witness to the possibility of community unified by the ideals of humanity: shared, mutual interests, collective concern, servant leadership, empathy and conscientious choice.

In a wonderful article in the New York Times, Sunday Review, the author writes about the Power of Place, and how public space can facilitate consciousness and democracy. He describes how hundreds of strangers are managing to live together, under rather primitive conditions, by sharing and organizing resources, tasks, and energy. But what I loved most about the article was reference to Aristotle's belief that community requires face-to-face conversation. (And in an age where face-to-face conversation is increasingly rare, especially between strangers, the model of community in the park may be an oracle of sorts.) Everyone in the park agrees that consensus builds community.

However, when individuals work collectively, with compassion, intention, and respect to share in a greater vision they are also building community through deliberate acts of kindness. It's as if consensus builds kindness and community.

Commonalities

When I do workshops with adults, and children, we often play a game called the Commonalities Game (from the Big Book of Team Building Games). Everyone chooses a partner, someone they do not know very well, and with a timer set for 2 minutes each couple has to write down everything they have in common with each other. It is incredibly fun, and a great way to get people to start thinking about how much we have in common rather than what separates us. In one workshop I had a 19 year old exchange student from Scotland paired with an elderly Sikh gentleman from Mississauga (Ontario)- they hold the record, with 37 things in common in two minutes. I'm still in awe. The other participants gave them a round of applause. I gave them dakbands :)

However, I recently came across another commonalities exercise from Ode Magazine in an article entitled, "Love thy neighbour, for he is me." The article speaks of the emotional and physical wisdom of being a good Samaritan, or altruist. The definition of an altruist is someone who is unselfishly concerned for or devoted to the welfare of others. Apparently altruists are healthier than those who are not. In an effort to practice compassion, to recognize how simple gestures of kindness unite us in our humanity, try (as the article suggests) this five step exercise when you see someone who attracts your attention:

With your attention geared to the other person, tell yourself:

Step 1: “Just like me, this person is seeking happiness in his/her life.”

Step 2: “Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.”

Step 3: “Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness and despair.”

Step 4: “Just like me, this person is seeking to fill his/her needs.”

Step 5: “Just like me, this person is learning about life.”

Then give them a dakband and ask them to pass it on.

As you watch this video, go through the exercise above, only ask yourself, how you can be more like him.......

Homeless Chicago Man Donates Thousands to Down-On-Her-Luck Banker: MyFoxCHICAGO.com

The Two Faces of Paris

Let's face it, Paris has a reputation for it's rudeness. In fact, in a recently published collection of personal memoirs, Paris Was Ours, rudeness is a common, sometimes underlying, sometimes overt theme, in a wonderful expression of an irresistible city. I think the incivility of Parisians makes such an impression because it is incongruent with our expectations. We view Paris through a romantic veil and associate it with the very essence of civility: arts, history, liberalness, style, and culture.

As someone who spent a fair amount of time in Paris over the years, I have like many of the writers in the book, come to a place of understanding and acceptance regarding the abrupt nature of the people despite the initial shock. In order to survive I even embraced their harshness when necessary - especially when it came to parking spots. During one visit, my friends and I spent an hour touring the neighbourhood of our tiny hotel looking for a parking space. While they toured in the car, I was on foot patrol. As luck would have it, I saw someone pull out and I ran ungracefully up the street and stood in the space, waiting for my friends to circle back around with the car. A local got there before my friends, but they were right behind him. He gestured for me to move out of the way. I refused, and politely told him, in french, that this space was now taken. He started laying on his horn. I refused to budge. Then he tried to pull into the space, assuming that I would jump out of the way to avoid being run over. I did not move. He jumped out of his car and screamed at me in broken english to go home to America. I politely, and calmly, informed him that I was Canadian. He drove away. My friends pulled into the space and we didn't move the car for a week.

As I don't often (ever) highlight behaviour that isn't kind, you might be wondering where this is leading. It's shocking really. My husband, son and I, just returned from a week in Paris, and not once, but twice, we were confronted with deliberate acts of kindness. Deliberate. The first time occurred when we took the regional rail system (RER) from the airport into Paris, where we had to transfer to the subway (Métro). Looking dazed and confused with our suitcases and an exhausted 5 year old, a gentleman voluntarily approached us and offered to direct us. Did you get that, voluntarily, we didn't ask for help he just came up and told us the simplest route to our hotel. Wow.

Similarly, we were walking through the neighbourhood of our tiny hotel (sense a theme?), map in hand, but nontheless a little lost. A young woman pushing her daughter in a stroller approached us and asked if we needed directions. Once we found the café (with her simple to follow directions), we toasted the kindness of Parisians with a beer, wine and Perrier, while marveling at the civility and beauty of this magical, alluring city.